


Crimson Daggers and Shimmering Blood

by Slendergirl



Series: Roses and Thorns [1]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Crass language, Diary/Journal, Don't Like Don't Read, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Only mentioned though, Rape, Rewrite, Suicide, bad language, diary format, diary format at times, don't read this if you're easily triggered, flames will be used to make myself hot chocolate, im kind of scared of myself for writing it, its very violent, not the whole story though, only parts that I use for emphasis, thats literally how the story starts, though criticism is welcome, very dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:03:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slendergirl/pseuds/Slendergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shiloh Faith Overson is a normal high school freshman, she had a happy and easy life as an upper-class smart alec with a great family, consisting of her mom, dad, and older brother Jackson, but Shiloh's life suddenly changes when Jack commits Suicide leaving Shiloh feeling guilty and angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Diary entry #1 April 15 Saturday 11:42 am

I didn't feel anything for five minutes other than the steam of the room I was in against my skin I couldn't process what I had just seen for five minutes my older brother Jack, his wrists slit, lying in the bathtub. Dead. But it took five minutes to truly understand. Sure I could see the blood and the razor in the bath but just the shock of everything I felt like someone was holding my body there I wanted to turn away, I wanted to run. but the shock of it all just held me there, it felt like a lifetime in a moment.

After I realized what I had seen I started screaming bloody murder it was a miracle that the neighbors didn’t come to check on us. I stumbled out of the bathroom, the screaming didn't stop, it would not stop there was a moment when I wasn't even sure if it was mine or Jack’s. I wish mom and dad were here to run downstairs and see what had happened, they could of done something. No, no they couldn’t of it was to late at that point I was just the unlucky one who had been home. I felt like I had screamed for four minutes.

Then came the sobbing, that lasted the longest, ten full fucking minutes. Jackie was my best friend, my older brother. Why had he done this to me!? Why!? I should've seen it coming maybe I could of done something! Maybe I could've stopped this from happening! All the sudden I wanted revenge not on my brother but on the person who drove him to this point Blake Mulligan, I promise I’ll get revenge. 

After I stopped sobbing I realized I needed call nine-one-one, I did and explained my situation even though I knew it was too late though the conversation only lasted two minutes.

Then I called mom and dad… They weren't angry, I didn't even expect them to be but it was the scariest thing I had ever done. They asked if I was okay and if I had called the hospital, mom said to ride in the ambulance… With Jack’s body… I didn't want to… That talk lasted a long time, six minutes. 

The ambulance came a minute later, it's sirens hurting my ears. I had already pulled Jack out of the tub, I hoped this was one of his stupid pranks it had to be and he would come out of his room and I would yell at him… So would mom and dad, so would the EMT’s, but that would be better than anything, anything. I was cradling his head when the people came in. They looked at me in pity. Two of them picked Jack up, they asked me to stand but I couldn't so another one carried me out.

Entry made years later though on the same page

It had been a normal morning, speech season had ended a week ago and state wasn't till after school had ended, somehow I had made it along with my Dramatic Interpretation partner and best friend Annie and my brother had made it in Humorous acting with my other best friend and his partner Jessica, Jack had also made it in impromptu, life seemed amazing and perfect but for my brother life was far from that.

Most teenage boys in speech are little quirky my brother was among them, he was the person you would least expect to do this he was perfect: kind, straight A student. Nobody and I mean nobody other than me and a few others would even guess why my brother was now dead. He was raped. The answer is so oddly simple but complex, how can one awful human being me but first my brother.

\------------------------------------------------------------  
Now

The doctor pushes me out of the room to talk to my parents. Just because I'm fourteen doesn't mean I don't understand what's going on I'm going to turn fifteen in less than a week too. Jack was almost eighteen We are… Well were, three years apart and looked exactly the same well almost, the only thing that makes us different is our eyes Jack’s are a very striking cornflower and mine are dark shamrock but We have the same platinum blonde hair and alabaster skin with tons of freckles and our biggest feature the nose it's a little longer than most and very beaky; dad’s friends always say that's how you can can tell an Overson apart from other people. Me and Jack look so much alike that If I cut my hair a little and covered my eyes I would probably look like a miniature him. 

Mom’s been crying as much as I have… I wonder if she blames herself too? What about dad? He kind of has this stoic look to him I don't think he knows how to react.

I try sitting still, but it's not working I never liked hospitals anyway… I guess I can wander the hospital… Take my mind off this horrible situation if that’s even possible. I stand and leave the waiting room I'm in… I should plan out what I'm going to say to Bunny… That was Jack’s pet name for Peter Cortental his boyfriend… Though it's more than just Jack’s nickname though, it's what we all call him. “How do I tell him though?” I whisper softly as I walk into the maternity ward and see a five year old girl jumping around.

“Can I see him auntie?!” She asks, she looks so happy, she's gaining a brother today. Unlike me, who just lost one. A little part of me smiles at her, even if I don't show it, the stories I've been told about my day of birth and how crazy Jack was… He broke a vase in the waiting room from all that jumping, that sounds like my Jackie.

I feel the tears coming back in my eyes, and I'm not going to cry in front of this girl. I run off trying not to cry again. I don't like to show my emotions to anyone other than Jack, of the few people who have seen me cry Jack has seen the most of it. I get to the bathroom in time. I lock myself in a stall and I let myself sob and before I know it I'm throwing up in the toilet as it hits me again. “I'm never seeing him again!” I repeat over and over again in between throwing up and sobbing. I just want my Jackie. 

Eventually I stop dry heaving and curl up on the floor. “Why?” After a few more minutes like this I realize oh shit it's been awhile, I check my phone. I've been away for twenty minutes, shit, shit, shit I stand up and unlock the stall. I go to the sink wash my face off as best I can, my face is still awful I look flush and liked I haven’t slept in days. 

I walk out of the bathroom and straight into mom… “I've been looking for you! I get this is a hard time, but you can't just get up and disappear.” She says before pulling me into a hug. “I'm sorry Shiloh, you just made me worried. After...” She says softly as she chokes up. She blames herself… I can see it in her eyes… She knows what happened to Jack and she still blames herself… Just like me. “You can come see the body.” She says softly her fists clenched. 

I nod but don't speak, I don't think I can without sobbing again. Mom seems to understand and starts walking to the hospital morgue. I'm torn, I want to see my brother one last time before he’s cremated I know that's what's would want, but also I'm scared… Terrified really of how I'll react when I see him, my Jackie. 

The doctor looks at me with pity… I don't want anyone's pity, I don't need it. I glance at him, and run to my brother's body before looking for permission to look both for myself and for the people around me. The doctor gives me a firm nod so does mom… Wait where's dad? I can't think about that, I have to look, face my fear of this, get it over with Shiloh! Just look! Just fucking look! 

I lift the sheet over his head gingerly holding my breath… He looks asleep… If I didn't know better I would think he was just asleep. This is just one of his pranks, right? Just a stupid elaborate prank, he and Dad will walk in laughing. Jack will hug me and apologize and everything will be okay… This can't be happening! This is just a fucking prank! It has to be… It will be okay if it’s not a prank it has to be a nightmare. Just as I start to convince myself his arm falls from under the sheet. I see where he cut himself with the razor blade, and screaming starts again, I don't think it will ever stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Diary entry #2 Saturday April 15 3:09 PM

So the funeral will be next week so I have a week to write a eulogy and I have to tell Bunny about Jack. Mom and Dad don't have his number so I have to do it, how will he react? I think this is more scary than telling Mom and Dad. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------  
Now

I'm sitting in the living room playing with my phone in my hands. Maybe I shouldn't tell him? I'm sure Principal Morris will tell the school on Monday. No, Bunny needs to know now.

I call his number, I’m not going to try and seem happy. “Peter… We need to talk, can you come over now?” I say quickly as soon as he picks up the phone.

“Shiloh is everything okay? Why do you need to talk to me?” He asks I know he's worried, is it about Jack or me? Maybe both.

“No everything's not okay, it's hard to tell you over the phone. Just come over please or I can come to your house.” I barely even can hear what I'm saying, my voice is too monotonous for even my own ears.

“Shiloh I'll be over in a minute, just let me get dressed.” From how frantic he sounds I think he's guessed it. 

He hangs up and I curl up on the couch and try to think of anything I can say to him because saying ‘Guess what? Your boyfriend just committed suicide!’ Is not appropriate for the situation. I hear a knock on the door guess I'm going to have to wing it. 

I open the door and a panicking Bunny stumbled in. “Shiloh!” Ebony eyes scan the room for Jack. “Shiloh where is Jack?” His voice isn't angry just alert and scared.

“P-Peter… He-He’s dead…” I’m trying holding back the tears building in my eyes. “He… He… Killed himself this morning.” That's the final straw before I begin sobbing again, But this time I feel Bunny collect me into a hug. More people have seen me cry now I feel tears on my shoulder Bunny’s crying too. “I'm sorry Bunny… I couldn't save him…”

“It's not your fault Shiloh.” He mutters and squeezes tighter, After 3 minutes Bunny let's go of me. “Did he leave a note?”

I shrugged. “I didn't see one but I wasn't looking very hard.” I say as I stand and help him stand. “And I didn't check his room at all. We can go look.” 

Bunny nods and he walk upstairs with me I don't look in the upstairs bathroom. Mom and Dad will probably hire someone to clean the blood… My brother's blood. We both go into his room to look for a note. I sort don't want to find it, who knows what he said to everyone if anything? 

His room smells like him… It's comforting I don't want it to fade I don't want to forget him ever. They say it's normal to forget the voice of people who died… I'm not going to forget my Jackie. I'm sure I have some voicemails on my phone… I hope I do. His room is strange from what I know, normally his room is clean like really truly clean, but now there's clothes all over the floor and there's a huge blanket covering his mirror… Why hadn't I realized it had gotten this bad? I’m a complete idiot 

“I think I know where it is.” Bunny says logging into Jack’s computer we’re the only two people who know it’s: ‘420001231965797’ it's all of our birthdays, mine is April twentieth two thousand, Bunny’s is December eighth nineteen ninety six, and Jack’s is… Was May Seventh In ninety seven.

“Shiloh I-I found it... He left it in the form of a video.” He says softly I run over and press play.

“So if you are listening to this I’m dead and I must of succeeded at my plan. I’m sorry, I just couldn't handle the disgusting feeling anymore. I don’t know where to start… I wish I could say this in person to you. You deserve that much at least. I’m going to talk to everyone... “ He stops for a second looking at a list. 

“Bunny… you first. This is not your fault you helped as much as you could. From the carrying me home when you found me in an ally to the hugs and kisses you gave me before Blake…” His voice strains “I’m sorry Peter I wish I didn’t have to do this… You couldn’t of touched me anyway I never would've let you after what happened. Just remember that I still love you okay, promise me that.” He wipes tears from his eyes as he looks at the list again, Bunny clenches his fists as he’s holding back sobs. 

“Shiloh, You know how whenever I was mean to you I told you that he hurt you more than it hurt me… I’m sorry, but I’m saying that again to you one more time. I know I’m being selfish and you deserve so much better than this I know you do, please forgive me baby sister. Um and hey Shi can you do one last favor? Can you spread my ashes on your garden? It help it grow you know.” Yes Jack I will I promise

“Mommy and Daddy… Shiloh if you see this first don’t show them this, Please. Guys, you were the best you cared for me the best you could and you did great and you were sweet to everyone around you I’m sorry you have to go through this Thank you for helping me with my homework and actually making me do it because you know I wouldn’t on my own at when I was younger.”

“Annie and Jess, Be good to Shi okay she’ll really need you guys right now, and Jessica you are a great partner, don’t give up acting Jess you’re really good at it.”

“My friends at school, again Shi don’t let them look at this. You are all good kids and I’m going to miss you please be nice to my sister and Bunny if you’re watching this make sure they are being nice to her.” Jack seems pained as he looks down at his list.

 

“And Blake. This is your fault every last bit of it… And if I somehow survive what I’m about to do I will kill you. I don’t care if you become a better person later I hope you die a painful death. So fuck you, you goddamned son of a bitch.” His breathing becomes labored and he's breathing through his teeth

“Now that I have got all that shit out of the way I feel like I can go do this… Shi don’t go into the bathroom please… and if you already have I’m sorry… I’m also sorry about the mess I’m about to go make… Goodbye Shiloh and Bunny I’ll miss you the most.” He hits the webcam button and ends the video. 

Bunny’s on the verge of sobbing and I feel that same numbness I felt when I first walked in on Jack. 

Why can’t I feel anything?


	3. Chapter 3

Diary entry #3 Sunday April 16th 12:09 AM 

After seeing Jack’s suicide note or video whatever doesn’t matter, I haven't felt any emotion, just numbness and emptiness. Is this normal? Bunny went home three hours ago. I’ve tried sleeping but it doesn’t work every time I close my eyes I see Jack’s body blood and limp, I don’t know how I’ll sleep again if this continues. I don’t even want to sleep I just want time to go faster but I’m too awake too aware of my own surroundings, but at the same time I feel weak and like I need more energy, Maybe I should try taking some nyquil or another sleep aid because without it I won’t be getting any sleep.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now  
I stand up from my desk and walk to the bathroom, about an hour after I got home a cleaning lady mom had hired cleaned the bathroom. I still haven't used it until if I had to use the bathroom I would go to the bathroom down stairs to avoid having to come in here, but now I need something to help me sleep. I don't look at the bathtub out of fear I just go to the medicine cabinet my eyes closed until a get there.

I open the cabinet I feel a tug at my chest the first bit of emotion in the last few hours of nothingness, though the emotion isn't what I want to feel. I was hoping for sadness a release of my emotions not just the want to hide them further. Seeing all the drugs we have it'd be easy to take a bunch and go join Jack… It would be too easy… NO! Bad! Bad Shiloh! You will not think like that! Mom, Dad, and Bunny can't take another person dying; at least not this close together… 

I grab the NyQuil and pour just enough to put me to sleep. I drink it quickly before washing it down with water; that stuff tastes awful… I walk back to my room and turn back on my computer while a wait for the medicine to kick in. 

Oh Fuck! I have a paper due on Monday in English, fuck! I haven't even started it! Fuck! I quickly log into my computer and open the program. I open up my writing assignment only a title and date. 

‘Character analyses for Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare analyses by Shiloh Overson.’

I bullshit though the essay, until I feel myself begin to fall asleep the edges of my vision start to become blurry, wow that stuff really did its job, oh fuck it I'm going to sleep. 

I try to stand but my legs buckle and I'm back in my computer chair. Guess I'm sleeping here tonight.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dream/flashback March 8th

No… No it can't be why I'm here again? What I'm seeing isn't Jack's death but the beginning to the end. 

I'm sitting at my piano, mom’s right next to me walking me through the notes when all the sudden the door knocks, this knock; the beginning to Jack's end. “Mrs.Helen! Shiloh!” He calls frantically. “Hurry open the door!” I don’t want to open the door… I know what’s behind that door; Bunny holding my shaking passed out brother in the pouring rain. “Mr.Timber! Please anyone!” 

Mom stands up and runs to the door Bunny is like a second son to her just like Mrs.Cortental treats us as her children. I follow her I want to close my eyes but I don’t I stand behind mom while she gasps. “Peter, what happened to him? Wasn’t he at your house?” Mom’s voice is fearful but it takes a strict tone when she looks at me. “Shiloh, go get some blankets and tea.” I can still hear her fear she turns back to Peter and they start talking again. 

I want to stay but I’m doing what I did last time I go make the couch extra comfortable and I get tea ready. Mom smiles nervously as if to comfort me though I know it’s fake as Bunny carries Jack into the living room. I stay in the kitchen until the tea is done I pour two glasses and carry it out. “What’s going on?” I ask as I hand Bunny some tea and put Jack’s on the table. 

Bunny speaks. “So I was looking for Jack since he wasn’t at my house like he said he was going to be, so I went out I was going to go to your house first then I was a figure in the alleyway across the street not knowing it was Jack… He was passed out, covered in bruises, and…” Bunny’s voice cracks a little. 

Mom nods; we all silently take in the reality of what just happened. Jack’s stopped shaking and his eyes are fluttering open. “Jack!” I say excitedly but I keep my voice down as to not startle him. 

Jack’s eyes fly open in wild panic. “Stop!” He wails all three of us panic ourselves but we calm down and then go to calm him down. 

Jack's pulled his legs to his chest and his arms cradled his head, then he looked up timid before seeing the three of us his whole body visibly relaxed but he still looked nervous as if whoever hurt was about to come back. “S-Shiloh…” He makes direct eye contact with me just like last time; I give him a small sympathetic smile, but it doesn't help he just starts sobbing.

Then things get weird last time he just bawled until Mom and Bunny calmed him down… But they're not even in the in the room anymore I'm on my own. “Jack it's okay… What happened wasn't remotely your fault.” I mutter as I move to the couch and wrap my arms around him. 

He stops crying and becomes angry; Jack never raised his voice at me. In fact Jack never really raised his voice at anyone he didn't show anger he was smarter than that, he would make sure the person got what they had coming with pranks… “No Shi you're right it's not my fault! It's your’s! You knew that I wasn't acting like myself but you didn't tell anyone! You let me die! You never really cared about me! You only used me to pretend you were cool at school and that you didn't get bullied!” He shouts at me it's so loud it hurts my ears.

“No Jack! It wasn't like that you know that I would never! You know I love you! I wouldn't hurt you if the world depended on it!” I say back I love my brother why would he say those things to me. 

He speaks again rather than angry he sounds calm and cold. “Then why did I do this?” Suddenly the world around me changes rather than in the living room I'm in the bathroom his dead body just lying there. 

\------------------------------------------------------------  
Now April 16th Sunday 6:20 AM

 

“Shiloh! Shiloh!” Mom shouts shaking me. “Wake up! You're having a nightmare!”

“Gha Jack!” I shoot up knocking into mom. “Sorry mom…” 

Mom hugs me. “It's alright darling.” She says softly. “The doctor said that you're likely to have nightmares.” Her voice is sweet but informative.

I nod and hug her back, I'm not surprised that I had a nightmare I get them all the time anyway this was just a particularly bad one. 

“Also me and your dad called your therapist about what happened and she said to sign you up for group therapy, we’re going too so it's not like me think you're weaker than us.” Group therapy great, just more people to pity me. It’s not like I don’t trust Dr.Ren she’s helped me, with my anxiety disorder I just don’t want to spend more time with people who pity me. 

“Do I have to go?” I try not to sound whiny but I sound way more whiny than I mean to.

“Shiloh it'll be good for you okay, have you looked at your plants this weekend?” I see what mom is doing… I'll go along with it. I'm going to pretend it's a normal Sunday; Jack wouldn't be here anyway he would be babysitting the Barrow’s two year old son Timothy, he gets there at five in the morning and is back at eight in the evening. 

“No, I can't believe I slept in this late I should go water them.” I say breaking the hug and going downstairs I wake up at five and water my garden; it’s my pride and joy, at seven dad makes breakfast so I have forty minutes rather than two hours, well I have to hurry.

I go outside and take a deep breath and turn myself to my plants telling myself Jack is just at Barrow’s house not the mortuary as to do my work. It's been raining so I don't have to water my plants as much. Soon my peaches will be ripe and dad will make preserves, though me and Jack will take some fresh ones for ourselves. 

I finish at about fifteen after seven later than I like… I go inside Dad has made apple butter pancakes; I see we’re all going along with mom’s plan and pretending it's a normal Sunday. 

“Hey sweetie how are you?” He asks as if yesterday never happened, I debate if I should go along with it; I will for his sake.

“I'm okay, these are really good!” Try to be happy Shiloh, for their sake even if it hurts you, just be happy. 

Dad smiles I think he's relieved at my decision to pretend. “Good.” 

I finish quickly I don't like the fake happiness of down here so I'll go to my room where I can cry and scream… 

I run upstairs and plug in my keyboard and find Fur Elise; not my favorite Beethoven piece but it's the first one a grabbed so I go with it and play it. 

It feels so natural I'm not even looking at the notes I don't need to anymore though I'm barely even think, but because I'm not really paying attention I start the beginning of Moonlight Sonata without realizing it. Those soft notes that comfort me as I start to feel tears in my eyes but it feels good it's emotion I missed the feeling of emotion and it's sort of relieving to feel it again. Eventually I don't know what I'm playing it's just mixed up notes that mean nothing, I don't want to stop I'm just taking out my anger and my fear and my sadness on my keyboard it’s an amazing feeling it's my freedom.

Though I don't know how much longer I can continue my fingers ache from soreness and I want to sleep but at the same time sleep feels impossible and it won't be an escape from the pain of losing Jack. I need to stop playing my fingers can't press as hard so the sound doesn’t come as well, how harmful could a short nap be?

I throw myself onto my bed in one movement and I grab my stuffed tiger that I’ve had pretty much since birth, I grab my phone and turn on some music before closing my eyes. I don’t really sleep just sort of rest… Maybe I should go to Annie’s or Jessica’s? I wonder if they know? I wouldn’t think so. 

Telling them is probably the best decision so they won’t be in complete shock when it’s announced…They both loved Jackie Jess is going to panic I know her well enough.

I get up and get dressed before unplugging my phone and calling Jessica. “Jess meet at the tree house in an half hour.” I say so quickly she doesn’t have a chance to say hello.

“Woah slow down Shi, what’s wrong?” We only meet at the tree house in an emergency so she’s very alert. “Nevermind You can tell me there.” She says before hanging up. 

Annie’s next. “Annie, treehouse, half an hour.” Annie’s different from me and Jessica so she reacts a lot different from Jess.

“Shiloh I’ll be there, whatever it is we’ll make it through.” Annie’s homelife isn’t the best, a crack addict for a mom and a drunk for a dad but it’s made her tougher than anyone I know. 

“Annie this isn't like anything else… You’ll understand when we get there…” 

“Okay I'll be there, promise.” She hangs up I breath and begin filling my purse 

As I'm packing there's a light scratching at my door. Penny! Jack’s cat he got her three years ago, she must be freaked out. I run out of my room, and there she is the sweet little tabby is there meowing. “Penny! Are you okay sweetheart?” I cradle the cat and bring it to Jack’s room where her bowl and litter box is. “Don't worry Penny I'll get you fed and I'll clean out your box… Maybe I should move your stuff my room…” I stroke the cat's fur and she purrs. “But I have to get going.” 

I run down stairs and out the door I don't see mom or dad but they would just get in my way, it's a ten minute walk from my house to the tree house.

I get there about twenty minutes after a called Annie and I don't see either one of them, good I should have time to prepare 

I climb up to the stop and sit down for a second trying to again plan out what I’m going to say and I’m trying gauge their reactions to the news… Annie will pretend be calm for Jessica’s sake and Jess will be a mess. i’d put $50 on it.

I hear someone climbing the ladder, the sounds are smaller, delicate They’re Jess’s, I had hopped Annie would be here first so I could prepare her. Jess pulls herself in and looks at me. “Hey Shiloh.” She chirps when seeing me. “I'm guessing Annie isn't here yet.” I shake my head. “Do you want to wait for her or just tell me? Hey where's Jack he’s always with you.”

I feel tears brim at my eyes and I shake my head, they know what happened to Jack he told them himself we had an emergency meeting. Jess has guessed it her eyes widen but she doesn’t say anything, we sit in silence until Annie gets here with a fresh bruise on her arm. “Don’t ask, this is about Shiloh not me. What is it?” She says before noticing Jack is not here. “Oh no… Shi… Did Jack?” She envelops me in a hug 

I nod weakly Jessica joins in and all the sudden I’m crying again, I hear Jess crying but Annie just tightens her hug. “I am so sorry Shiloh, We’ll get revenge I promise.” Annie’s voice rings out darkly. “I don’t care if I have to do it myself.”


	4. Chapter 4

Diary entry #4 Monday April 17 5:20 am

I don't want to go to school, not yet… I don't want to be treated differently… But I don't have a choice, do I? I should go get ready.

\----------------------------------------------------------  
Now   
I leave the small leather bound book on the bed as I stand up and walk to the bathroom I'm just going to take a shower… Nothing will happen to you Shiloh it’s just the bathtub you’ve taken hundreds of baths and showers in here, when I walk in there and see the bathtub my fingers coil to my palms and I feel them shake lightly at first then it becomes more intense. 

My breathing is the next thing I notice it has gone from normal to fast and I’m not getting enough air that causes both my chest to feel like it's going to explode and it makes me dizzy. I collapse to the ground unable to hold my body up anymore I want to scream but all that comes out is a whimper; my brother died here no, my brother more than died in here he killed himself in here. 

Don't start crying Shiloh mom and dad are still asleep they've been through a lot too… My body is quaking and I feel wetness on my cheeks, damn it Shiloh! Can't you do anything right? I try and fail to drag myself up from the floor so I just lay there hyperventilating for god knows how long. “Come on Shiloh you have to move… Jack wouldn’t want this Shiloh !” I whisper/yell at myself somehow the idea of Jack seeing me like this causes me to push off the ground and stumble back to my own room my chest is still uncomfortably tight so I just sit there trying get control of my breathing.

I start talking to myself using the question promts that Dr.Ren gives me to help me calm down when I have a panic attack. “Shiloh how old are you? 14. Shiloh what’s your favorite color? Lavender. Shiloh why is lavender your favorite color? It’s nice to look at and lavender means hope. Shiloh are you safe? Yes.” I repeat those phrases until I’m breathing evenly-ish. I walk over to my dresser and pull out my uniform I see from the fabric quivering my hands haven’t stopped quaking. I lay it on my bed and go to my speech bag, it’s all the stuff I take on overnight speech meets, and in it are dry shampoo and deodorant that will be okay for the day.

 

I do my hair as best as possible before putting on my uniform, I look at the time. Shit! two minutes till the bus get’s here! I’ll get food at school. I run out and get on the bus I sit at my normal seat normally me and Jack will sit together. Even though he could drive Jack prefered to ride the bus because he liked to talk to his friends. Getting on the bus alone is strange and everyone around me is looking at me probably expecting Jack to come in behind me but he doesn't and he won't. 

I walk head down to my seat and await the questions. “Hey Shiloh.” Andrew comes up behind me. “Where's Jack is he sick or something?” Andrew is the Vice President of the theater, Jack was the president.

I don't speak, how do you tell someone that their friend committed suicide. I just shake my head and curl my legs up to my chest. He crosses his arms and stomps back to his seat like a five year old. Lucky for me no one else questions me about Jack. 

As soon as the bus stops at school I'm out of there, I debate in between going to the library or my first class, I wish I didn't have P.E but I do, less people will question if I go straight to P.E so that's where I'll go. As soon as I get to class Coach Blackstone comes up to me. “Ms. Overson can you come to my office?” She asks. 

I walk in. “Yes Mrs.Blackstone?” I know what she wants, it’s about Jack most likely.

“Your brother, Jack. I just want to offer my condolences.” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft and kind which makes me feel very awkward 

“Um thanks ma’am.” I say before turning to leave the room. This how they day is going to be, great! 

“Shiloh don't dress out there's an assembly, and since I’m your first hour teacher I’m have to ask if you wish to participate in it or if you wish to sit out.”

I think about for a moment does sitting out mean I have to talk to counselors and things any sooner than they’re gonna force me too? Probably. “Would I have to speak in front of people?” It’s not like a mind talking in front of people I just want to know.

“If you want to, I’m sure Mr.Morris would let you I can ask?” 

“Yeah can you please do that for me.” I ask simply. 

“I will.” She clicks a few buttons and then looks at me again. “I just got an email from Ms.Donte she wants to talk to you if you're up for it.” Ms.Donte or Adonte as all of us call her really liked Jack as a student.

“I’ll go talk to her.” I say as I walk out nodding to her, I run to choir room. She probably didn’t take news well she was very attached to Jack. 

When I get there I knock on her classroom door. “Ms.Adonte? It’s Shiloh you asked for me?” I ask walking in. 

She comes out of her office dark brown eyes sad. “Oh hello Shiloh, I just wanted to ask if you were alright with Jack and all… he was a good kid, and on his way to being what he wanted. Your brother would of done great on Broadway.” Her voice is almost dreamy at the thought of Broadway.

“I’m going to honest, I’m not alright but I’m dealing with it as best as I can.” I say with A weak smile. 

“Shiloh it wasn't suicide, but my twin sister died when we were eight, she was hit by a car.” Ms. Adonte adds quietly. “So if you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you.” 

I nod. “What should I say at the assembly?” I ask sitting in one of the chairs in my row. “I don't want to sound accusatory but I need to be honest about what happened, right?” I bellow. I'm pretty sure Ms. Adonte knows what happened, I'm about ninety percent sure that when Jack’s counselor didn't believe him we would go to her even if just for someone to believe him.

“I wouldn't, you know how rich the Mulligans are you could corner yourself in bad legal situation.” She cautioned me.

“It's not like we have less money than them. We're both upper class and can afford good lawyers, I'm not worried.” I affirm. “He needs to called out!” My voice raises not much but enough to emphasize my point.

“Do what you think you should Shiloh but think about the consequent first.” She says eyes dark. “And be careful.” She walks back to her office leaving me alone.

Thankfully before I have time to think the bell rings and I'm on my way to The assembly trying to think of what to say. Maybe she’s right, maybe now isn’t the best time? Maybe I should spread it like a rumor, quiet and fast He won’t even know what hit him and it would take some time to trace it back to me. No this way is better everyone will know suddenly and it will still be spread fast. 

I walk into the gym and the principle beckons me over. “Shiloh you wish to speak correct?” I nod and look up at him. “That's very brave of you Ms.Overson.” Hell Yeah I'm brave this is the scariest thing I've done. “Please take a seat up here.”

I awkwardly sit next to the adults in the cold metal folding chairs. Okay Shiloh think what do you want to say? Talk about how good of a student Jack was and how he was a good friend to everyone… Then drop the bomb… That sounds perfect, I'm gonna be in so much trouble. Shiloh this is for the best just think this is for Jack. 

“Students before we begin this assembly will you please stand up and say the pledge of allegiance. I stand and robotically recite the pledge without thinking along with the other students. “On Saturday morning thespian Jackson Overson committed suicide.” I hear the whole school gasp in shock nobody would figure it out till I spoke, Mr.Morris uses the momentum to keep talking. “We are unsure why he would do this but it brings a very important lesson that if you are feeling like you wish to die you must talk to counselor because Suicide hurts everyone around you. A person highly effected by Mr.Overson’s suicide is sitting here with me. Shiloh will you please come here?” 

I stand and walk to the podium. ‘For Jack’ keeps repeating in my head like a mantra. 

“Shiloh Overson is Jackson’s sister and she wishes to speak a few words.”

Okay Shiloh now is the time the iron is hot and ready to strike! “My brother Jack was probably the kindest person I know. Even if he was a bit of a prankster, I'm sure most of you know him for winning homecoming king or if you're in theater he was The Baker in last month's play Into the Woods.” Okay Shiloh it's time. “Though as many of you think my brothers suicide is a surprise it’s not!” My voice increases volume waiting for them to cut my off the microphone when I say my next sentence. “My brother was raped!” Like I thought the mic goes out.

Thank you Jack for teaching me to project when speaking. “By Blake Mulligan!”


	5. Chapter 5

Diary entry #5 Monday April 17th 10:46 AM  
After I spoke those words the entire school fell into chaos as Principal Morris took my hand and dragged me off the podium. Though as he yanked me off Blake looked me dead in the eye and I felt a cold chill run down spine, we never liked each other since He moved back to Newcastle from Springfield IL a few years ago… I think it was Jack’s sophomore year before he moved Jack and Blake were friends, though the dislike never really got bad not until in between my eighth grade year and my freshman one or Jack’s Junior to senior year. 

It was summer vacation mom and dad had left me and Jack alone for a week so they could see Grandma and Grandpa (they refuse to let Jack come to there house because he's gay, mom and dad were trying to smooth things over and thought it would be best just to leave us.) I had decided to go to the park for awhile (I forgot to tell Jack.) though when I got down there I saw Blake Mulligan and friends, I just told myself to ignore him and would ignore me. Though after about fifteen minutes I heard him talking about Jack calling him a faggot, and I like any sister flipped out, marched up to him and punched him in the gut hard. “Don't ever say that about him again!” I punched him again. Of course punching someone normally makes them punch back and he did he got me in the face knocking me to the ground, I was a pretty small kid before I hit my growth spurt, so yeah one punch and I was done for, though he wasn't, he was and went to kick me in the stomach. I braced myself for the pain but it didn’t come, when I realised it wasn’t coming I looked up and saw Jack walking towards me. Jack looked at Blake and socked him in face. 

I think he said something along the lines of don’t touch my sister again took and hand pulled me up and dragged me away, then he screamed at for an hour, telling me I was an idiot and that it could've been worse if he didn’t show up when he did. Then he hugged me and helped me with my bruised cheek. and that’s how are feud with Blake Mulligan began. Oh no Mr.Morris is coming back better stop writing in this.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\  
Now

I look principal Morris in the eyes when he walks in. “I’m sorry about what I said but it’s true.” I drain my voice emotion hoping to hide that I feel threatened by this whole thing though I feel like I look my a caged animal, I’ve never been in trouble at school before so I don’t like the feeling of being “trapped” per say in the principal's office. “At least consider it, I can swear I’m not lying to you.”

“Shiloh you know this a very serious matter I’m going to have to bring in the police to this matter and they are going to talk to both you and Mr.Mulligan, is there anyone else they should talk to? Anyone at all Shiloh.” He inquires gently I swore he was going to yell at me I guess having a reputation as a good girl helps in these situations. “You will be kept in here most of the day I’ll bring you your homework from your classes if there is any. I’m not sure if they’ll assign any.” 

“No other than me and him I don't know anyone else involved.” I look up at him. “Thank you sir though. Um will me and Blake be in the same room?”

“No Shiloh, I understand that's a bad idea and I do not want Mr.Mulligan alone with anyone at this school until things are cleared up.” He says kindly to me. 

Then he leaves, I don’t know what do. Normally if I was stressed this much I would call Jack though that isn’t much of an option… Wait! I could call his cell phone just to listen to his voicemail… Any other situation that would of sounded insanely creepy, whatever I’m desperate, I dial the number and wait for him for the voicemail… I would give anything for him to pick up right now even if it was just his voice calming me down and telling me what to do, He would know what to do he always does.

‘Hey Jackson Overson here sorry I can’t take your call at the moment, please feel free to call back anytime and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible, bye.’ I listen to his voice and close my eyes I don’t why but it helps me get back to myself then I hear the beep, maybe I should try and leave a message who knows it be therapeutic.

“Um Hey Jackie… I know you can’t really get this but why the hell not? I have nothing to lose at this point, right? Well I used the school assembly to tell the school what Blake did to you, that’s how you would of wanted me to do it. Right? You were always a bit of a drama queen. I just wish you were here you would know what to do you always know what to do.” The beep cuts me off and I let out a shaky sigh I honestly feel a little better not much but a little it feels like a small weight is off my chest. 

I dig in my bookbag for something to do when I pull my book out The Giver, I may of read the book like a hundred times but it’s my favorite. So I start it to distract myself until an older (By older I mean in her thirties.) Female cop walks in followed by my mother, I sigh in relief 

“Your Shiloh Overson right?” She seems calm, she sits a across from me.

I nod and gulp. “yes ma'am, Shiloh Faith Overson.” I’ve never been in a room with a police officer except for assemblies and things like that, I’ve never needed to be, again I'm a good kid, other than ‘being Jack’s sister mischief’ I don't do anything really ‘bad’ I don't like the idea of hurting people. 

“Hey calm down kiddo you're not the one in trouble, and you don't seem the type to be saying that without thinking it's true.” I got the good cop… Thank whatever God there is mom moves behind me and rubs my back to sooth me.

“That's what he told me… I'm only going off his word. Which if you know the Oversons it's a good one.” I answer her honestly, we live in a small part of Newcastle so being of the two richest families in town (Us and the Mulligans) gets you known for what your family does.

“I know Ms.Overson, I knew your brother, everyone in town did.” Her hard grey eyes stare at me with a hint of sadness, she's a very pretty woman light grey eyes, really pretty dark cream skin, and brown hair. 

“So what do you want to know, I'll tell you anything you want to know.”

“Oh before I forget I'm Officer Mason, And the first off let's start with the suicide and go backwards. Did he leave a note of any sort?”

“Yes Ma'am. He made a video it's on his computer.” I say meekly unsure of whether that was the right thing to say, mom raises her eyebrows at my words but doesn't say anything.

“How do you know that Ms.Overson?”

“Um…” Should I just be honest? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? “I wanted to see if he left a note so I went to his room and got on his computer, I know the password to it.” I say quickly not bringing up Bunny at all, I’m going to keep this separate from as many people other than me and Blake as I can.

“When did he give the password? I’m curious not many people would do that not even siblings…” She says taking down what I’m saying on a notepad.

I think for a moment, It’s been awhile like ever since he started dating. “Um since last year, when he started dating his boyfriend, though I knew his old password before that, so really since we were kids, he knew mine too.”

She jots something down“Okay, so when was your brother assaulted?” She looks up again.

“March eighth.” I say quickly without thinking that night is probably going to stain my memory, seeing the person you care about most in the world helpless and scared is something you will remember cause you don’t know what to do or think… The feeling of anxiety grips your stomach like a vice and doesn’t let go for what seems like ages. 

The officer nods and writes that down. “Ms.Overson that's all we really need from you, I'm guessing you really don't want to go to class, you can leave with your mother if you like?” 

I nod. “Being around people does not sound like fun.” Mom nods in agreement.

“I also signed you out of school for the rest of the week.” Mom grabs my backpack and slings it on her shoulder. Mommy takes my hand and walks me to the car and opens the door. “Hey baby can I tell you something you're not going to like?”

“Sure mom, what is it?”

“My parents are coming…” 

“What!?” I nearly scream and if I wasn't I my seatbelt I probably would of jumped out of my seat.

“I know, I know… But if you promise me that you won't lash out at them immediately I will let you help plan the funeral.” I can hear the begging in my mother’s voice.

I take a deep breath, come on Shiloh it's just a week. “Fine.” 

“Thank you baby girl.” She reaches an arm around me.

I give her a weak smile before I feel tears come back to eyes… Just everything is going on to fast first the death, then the stunt at school and now I have to deal with Grandma and Grandpa, and plan a funeral. It's just Mommy Shiloh you can cry… So I don't stop it I just let myself cry. 

She ruffles my hair. “Don't worry, Shi it's going to be okay.” Though I hear the sadness and anxiety in her voice she's just as nervous as me to be around Grandma and Grandpa. 

“When are they getting here?” I ask gingerly through my tears.

“Probably tonight,” she gives a bitter laugh. “They won't waste a second of saying that he had this coming to him.” She shakes her head.

“What about Mema and Pappaw?” I ask a little hope building in me my dad’s set of parents they're really nice and helped my mom in after she left her parents house to go to school for performing arts, she's really good at the piano. But her parents wanted her to learn to be teacher (they said because it's a respectable job for a woman.) So she had to pay for the whole thing out of pocket. She didn't have enough money for a dorm so a close friend of hers told her that her cousin needed a roommate and would help pay. Tuda that's how my parents met. 

 

Mom does give me a slight smile. “Don’t worry Shiloh They’ll come.” She gently wipes away my tears. “Come on Shiloh.” I realise then that we’re home strange… That took less time than I thought. Mom opens the car door and helps me out. 

We walk inside Dad is sitting at the table reading a newspaper he looks up at me and gives a weak laugh. “Heard what you did Shiloh, you're definitely your mother's daughter.” He gives a light smile to my mom. “It was dangerous though, you know what he did your brother obviously, who knows what he’ll do you. You need to be more careful.” I feel a catch in my throat at that.

“I know, I wasn't thinking I-” 

“Shiloh no one is angry, relax we’re just a worried promise us you’ll be careful.” Mom says from behind me.

I give a small nod. “Okay,” Dad says quickly to keep things moving. “Everyone at the table.” Both me and mom head to our table. “We need to form the guest list for the dinner on Friday, I'm guessing she knows your deal Helen?” 

“I know, so who's coming other than Grandma Grandpa and Memaw and Pappaw? Bunny, Annie, and Jessica definitely oh and Jess’s parents and Bunny’s mom.” I say quickly as I number off the names of our friends. “How many people can come?” I ask thinking about it suddenly. 

“Not including us, twenty so we’ve got ten already so another ten left.” Mom says thinking about if anyone else needed to come.

“The theater board should come. Andrew, Abigail, Sara.” They were the four in charge of the theater club. Jack was the president, Andrew who's a senior is the Vice President, Abigail who's a sophomore is the event planner all the cast parties and stuff are at her house, and Sara who's a Junior is the treasurer. 

Mom and Dad write down their names and then Mom speaks. “I think Mr. Obin should come.” That's Jack and Jess’s speech coach for and he also coaches Jack in Poetry he wasn't very good at it but he liked it a lot just like me with Prose. 

“Definitely, what about Ms.Atwood? Jack’s impromptu coach?” 

“Good idea Shiloh, and we shouldn't forget Ms.Donte.” 

“How many people is that?” Dad signals for us to stop for a moment as he does the math in his head. “So five left, I bet Edgar would want to come and his parents.” Edgar is my cousin he’s about a year younger than me, he’s probably my favorite cousin on mom’s side unlike my other cousins on that side of the family Aunt Alex hasn’t let grandma brainwash him so he’s pretty open and pretty cool.

“So my sister, Eddy and Teddy?” Teddy’s my uncle's name mom writes down the names.

“That’s all I can’t think of anyone else.” I say putting my head on the table. “Can I have something to eat? I forgot to eat breakfast.” I kind of whined.

Mom nodds. “How about we go out somewhere it’s easier, you can chose Shiloh.” 

I think about it for a moment though I barely have to think I know what I want. “Thai food please.” 

Dad shakes his head and smiles. “You love that stuff I don't see why. It's okay but still.” He gave a snort. “Come on Helen, Shiloh.” 

Mom walks out but not before trying her hair into a bun. I follow her quickly.

I climb in the car and lay my head down like I always do on car rides but nothing is there I sigh and wipe a few tears on the brims of my eyes. That’s when I realise one of the scariest facts, Jack was such a normality in my life small things like just lying his shoulder and hearing his breathing fro across the hall in my room, They’re gone and won’t come back the comfort of knowing someone you can trust just a yard away from you just gone, to an only child like Jess or Annie it would mean nothing they never had a sibling who was just there it’s the simple totum life stripted away from me so suddenly. The seat next to me is empty and so is a part of me.


	6. Chapter 6

Diary entry #6 Monday April 17th 3:43 PM 

I HATE MY FUCKING GRANDPARENTS!!!!! They won’t leave me alone for five minutes, I want to smack them they keep saying that if Jack was ‘normal’ like there's such a thing this wouldn’t of happened to him, and when dad tried explain why Jack killed himself grandpa said this and I quote “Men can’t be rapped unless they're a prissy, your children are wusses this wouldn’t of happened if you gave them a good spanking every once in awhile, I don’t see why it’s so bad it teaches them to be strong.” Dad moved to fight him but mom grabbed his arm she also grabbed mine which was probably a good idea on her part because I was on the verge of murdering them. 

Oh my phone is ringing I should check it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Now

I look at the caller id a small second hopping Jack got my voicemail before quickly bringing myself back to reality, it’s just Annie I pick up. “Hey, what’s up?”

“What you did today was really gutsy Shiloh. Blake is Fucking pissed, he was talking about how he already took out one Overson and now he needed to figure out how finish the job.” Annie voice was almost like he was watching her. “Please be careful Shiloh you know how dangerous he is.” Annie pleads I feel my stomach drop not from Blake’s threat but because I hate worrying Annie she’s so sweet to me and Jessica, she’s almost like a mother to us but not in an overbearing way.

“I will, you know I’m careful.” I mummer standing up from my bed. “What are you doing I kind of want to get to get out of the house my grandparents are here, the bad ones.” I say dry humor in the last few words.

“We can go to the mall, we can take the bus from my house.” Annie suggested.

“That sounds like a great idea I’ll be there is five minutes. Just let me feed Penny.” I say quickly. “Bye!” I chirp, something to do yes! I don’t have to sit and listen to the idiots talk about how my brother is rotting in hell and had this coming. I quickly feed Penny her food and clean out her litter box before I go downstairs. “Mom, Dad, I’m going to the mall with Annie.” I say before running out the door. 

I get on the nearest bus stop and climb on I show my bus pass to a driver and head to the back of the bus, once I sit down I put in my earbuds. The drive to Annie’s apartment complex is short so it only takes a moment to see my best friend when the bus stops she pulls out her bus pass before walking back to wear I am, Annie looks as pretty as ever her thin auburn hair in pigtails and wide amber eyes make her look like some kind of fire Goddess. 

“Hey Shiloh.” She sits next to me and pulls out my earbuds. “Whatcha listening to?” She puts one is and groans playfully. “Rent, Shiloh really, I know you love musical theater but still you always listen to them.” 

“You're always listening to Three Days Grace and other music like that.” I say with mock annoyance sticking my tongue out at her.

“I know, I’m just playing with you.” Annie says laughing before looking at me with a more a serious look. “How are you holding up Shiloh?”

“I’m trying…” I say quietly looking down at the floor. “It’s not easy.” 

“I didn’t think it would be.” Annie rubs my back softly and hugs me.

“Annie, I don’t know what to do without him… I just wish someone could tell me what I should do or how I should feel.” My whisper is almost inaudible. 

“I don’t think there’s a right answer to that Shi it’s your mind you need to feel how you need to feel.” 

“Sure Annie, but I wish there was some sort of manual for how to deal with the death of someone you love that wasn’t a preachy self help book.”

Annie gives snort. “That would make life easier wouldn’t it?”

I look up and see the mall. “Guess it’s our stop.” Annie mumbles and gives me her hand to help me stand up.”

I take it and stand we both leave the bus and thank the driver. “So what's the plan?” 

Annie takes a second to think then her lips curl up in a cruel smile. “I have an idea, dare war.” 

“First person to deny there dare loses.” I comment.

Annie nods in agreement. “But nothing too dangerous or illegal but a little of each never hurt anyone.” 

I nod and look at Annie. “Rock, paper, scissors?” I put my hand in a fist so does she. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” Annie throws out rock and I throw out scissors. “Oh well, what are you going to throw at me?” 

Annie thinks for a moment. “Hmm… I got it! Go to the pet palace and teach the parrots some ’interesting’ new words.” 

I smile and we walk to the pet shop and to the back where they keep the parrots. “Hey little guys.” Hmm what should I teach them? “All humans are motherfuckers.” I repeat it a few times until three of them are saying it right , I nod to Annie who comes over and smiles at me.

“Nice one Shi, okay your turn.” 

Oh Annie this is going to be fun. “Okay give me your jacket, what you are going to do is go get a free perfume sample and then come back and get your jacket, go back to the same person you got the sample from and pretend to be a different person.” I learned to clarify to go to the same person from Jack going to a different person for samples when I dared him to do the same thing.

Annie laughs and takes off her jacket and hands it to me. “Let's do this.” I go to the bench and watch Annie ask the woman who is handling the samples for one the woman gives her it and Annie runs back to me. “Okay give me my jacket Shiloh.” 

I hand her the old jacket and she runs back to the woman I can't hear them but the woman is yelling at Annie, about half a minute later Annie runs back and shakes her head. “Couldn't do it.” I shrug and laugh.

“Oh well it doesn't matter, okay your turn.” She's going to give me a huge one I can see it in her eyes. This is bad really bad

“Okay mine is a really complicated one but you'll love it.” Annie gives me that devil’s grin that scares me. “Go to Spenser and buy the strangest sex toy you can find while you’re doing that I’ll be getting something for you to wrap it then we leave it the really annoying store baptist bible store.”

I sigh and shake my head. “As much as I hate my grandparents that's just really mean Annie… They haven't done anything to deserve it yet.” 

Annie sighs. “Okay then how about you just get a slushy and drop it from the third floor.

“That's more like it.” I say before running to the elevator and getting in, it only takes a minute to get to the food court on the third floor the doors open… Oh God, no, no, no…. Can't move… Why can't I move? Blake is right in front of me but I can't run or even speak… 

Annie runs into me and starts to say something before she sees him to. “Oh no…” Annie takes my hand I don't know if it's to lead me away or just to give me something to grasp. It's to lead me away because I feel her pull me towards a clothes store when he spots us and raises his eyebrows, I'm going to die today, this is it he's going to kill me right here and now.

“Hey girls!” He shouts at us, I flinch and I feel myself beginning to shake, Annie puts an arm in front of me, if me live through this I'll thank her.

“Don't you dare come near us, monster.” Annie's voice rings loudly. 

He still advances on us. “Redhead this isn't your fight, get out of my way so I can talk to the little Overson girl.” Annie changes position instead of of just her arm now her whole body is in between me and Blake.

“Like I would leave you alone with Shiloh, especially after what you did to her brother. What do you take me for an idiot?” She growls nearly yelling at him.

“You think I'm going to hurt her here? In public? I'm not stupid.” He's nose to nose with Annie I feel her shake a little, I don't know how she is staying so calm. Blake grabs Annie’s arm to move her out of way earning himself a good punch to the lip. 

“I SAID STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!” Annie shouts, I grab her arm as she goes for another punch. 

“Stop! Annie you are not an animal! Calm down!” Annie backs down reluctantly. I turn to Blake to address him. “You, don't hurt my friends, you already caused my brother to kill himself must you take more from me.” I clench my own fist incase he tries to hit me.

“I see you're itching for a fight little girl, I'll see you at Twelve AM sharp on Sunday then in the alley.” He gives me smirk pretends to tip a hat and walks off. 

“Shiloh, this is really bad…” 

“I know Annie…”


	7. Chapter 7

Diary entry #7 April 19th Wednesday 4:57 PM

Sorry I didn't write yesterday, I was really busy with the whole planning thing and dealing with my family members, this was the first moment I've been alone. 

Nothing much happened Yesterday but I did finish the soundtrack to the funeral it's all of Jack’s favorite songs… And then the one I'm going to sing I'm still working on it but here's got I've got so far.

Dear brother of mine where have you gone, you did nothing wrong.

Oh brother please come back to me, how could I be so blind. 

I'm trying to think of what key to put in, I love the sound of F minor. 

Tomorrow is my birthday everyone probably forgot with all the insanity, oh well… 

I don't know what I'm going to do about Blake, all I know is that I'm taking his challenge, I'm not a chicken. I'm going to bring my knife but I'm only going to use it if he brings his out first.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Now

I put my journal under my bed to hide it from everyone and get on my computer mom and dad are letting me pick out the dessert for the dinner after the funeral. 

There's a little one next to my email alert, I wonder who sent me an email?

W-What? How? 

‘Jackson E Overson sent you the message’ 

I open it and read it.

“Dear Shiloh, so how are you taking everything? I'm sorry I wish I could talk to you, hey guess what I'm not the worst asshole, I got the birthday gift for you, I know your birthday isn't till tomorrow but I want you to look under my bed there's a small box go open it, I promise you'll like it. Love your older brother Jack. Oh and PS please take care of Penny.” 

It barely takes me a second to spring up from my head and run across the hall to Jack’s room and open the door. I go to his bed I didn't realize this but he made his bed only Jack would that… I look under the bed and find a simple blue box that has Shishi written on the top in silver lettering. I gently open it to see a sliver heart shaped locket in it. “Oh Jack… Thank you, it's beautiful.” I mutter as I open it to see one of my favorite picture of us during Into the Woods I was Little red riding hood and of course my brother was The Baker, our costumes were really cool. The other side of the locket has a picture of us at Paramount theater when we went to see Pippin. I feel all warm in a good way almost like a hug, I smile and put on the locket. 

“Shiloh it's almost dinner time, can you please help set the table?” I hear Dad call me from down stairs. 

I sigh and run down stairs. “Yep!” I run to the dining room and set the table for five people singing the song mom made to help we and Jack learn to set the table. “First goes the fork, then you put plate, then spoon and knife are next, then the glass that goes above knife, now you have set it nice.” 

I repeat the song four more times until I'm done. I smile at my handy work. “Dad I'm done!” I call before walking into the kitchen to help finish up the meal since I'm already down here. “Do you need any help?” My Dad isn't the best at cooking but he enjoys it and does most of the cooking for the family, he's a high school history professor, he works at our school. He teaches US History honors, hopefully I'll be in his class when I'm a Junior.

“Uh, yeah Shiloh that'd be great, can you finish up the soup for me the base is ready it just needs to be more flavorful.” Dad says as he pulls the chicken out of the oven. 

“No problem.” I walk to the stove and grab a spoon to taste it. Potato soup, okay what do I need? Cheese? Definitely… Rosemary, sage, sour cream. That should do it. I go get bowls out of the cabinet and ladle the soup into the bowls. 

“Thank you so much sweetie.” He gives me a big smile, “I'm finishing up the other things and then we'll bring them out, can you pull the dinner rolls out of the oven and bring them into the dining room?”

I put on cooking gloves before I open the oven, it's still warm even with the gloves. “Hey should I call everyone to dinner when I'm done?” 

Dad only nods as he brings the spaghetti into the room. 

“Mom, Grandma, Grandpa! Dinner time!” I call into the living room. 

I sit at my normal spot and wait for the rest of the people to get in here.

I don't take anything from the food yet even though I'm starving, I didn't really eat all that much yesterday and today, just some pizza rolls yesterday and orange chicken for breakfast today, I've been too busy and eating hasn't been my biggest concern, I sit politely and wait for everyone to sit down and put food on their plate before I start. 

It's all pretty good for my dad making it from scratch, the chicken is well cooked and seasoned with rosemary and oregano and my soup if I must say so myself is good, the rolls are good too. 

I eat quickly not making conversation but the adults are having a pretty interesting one, they're talking about what I did on Monday, Grandma’s reaction is pretty funny.

“Shiloh did what!? Helen your daughter is insane and will get you all in trouble! I know you two are too chicken to give her a good spanking but I will if you don't.” I don't even show fear half to not give her the satisfaction, half is the fact I know my parents won't let her get within twelve feet of me. 

“Mom please… Shiloh is just distraught, any child her age would act up like that.” Mom’s shivers a little in anger or fear I don't know. 

“Helen, I know what's best for her and you can't keep making excuses!” I roll eyes and keep eating. 

Suddenly my dad breaks from his silence “Erin could you please stop terrorizing my family, and if you can not will you please leave the room.” His voice is stern almost like he's warning her. “And Charles is you start talking shit you should leave now.”

“You shouldn't use words like that at the dinner table Timber.” Mom chided timidly Mom has never cared about cursing before.

“I'm sorry Honey, I guess I just lost my temper for your parents.” His voice is gentle towards my mother, I smiled into my food watching them. 

Grandma and Grandpa shut up and start eating. Even though I hate them, but I hate silence even more. “So… Did you two see the video Jack sent you last month of our show?” even if I refused to make contact Jack didn’t for some reason he tried so hard, so whenever he did a show he would send them the video recording of it, I never really tried since I was little kid to make pleasant conversation with them, even they seem a little shocked about it.

Grandpa speaks first. “Yeah we watched it.” He says. “Wasn’t all that good. the costumes were far too gaudy, and Cinderella's dress was very revealing.” No it wasn’t… Eleanor was covered well enough there was nothing revealing.

I deicide the pleasant conversion isn’t going to work either, so I eat quicker not savoring the taste of anything I just want to get out of here, it hurts a little to eat that quickly and when I finish I’m going to get the hiccups but I just want to go down stairs to my bedroom. 

As soon as I finish, I dash into the kitchen to wash my plate and bowl before going back downstairs to basement and my bedroom. I’m about to go back into my room when I see Jack’s door slightly ajar, I probably forgot to close it all way when getting my locket.

For my own mental health I shouldn't go in there but my curiosity gets the better of me, I open the door to my brothers room, nothing looks different, it's the same as when I came in here an hour ago. I look at the familiar room it's baby blue walls the white floorboards, I miss my brother. I miss the when one of us would have a nightmare and then go into the others room, if I had a really bad one Jack would sing to me.I miss Jack’s singing he was so good at it to, he could of been a famous actor on broadway. 

The feel tears run down my cheek, I wish Jack was here to comfort me, he would know what to do… Jack always knows what to do.

What if our places were reversed? What if I killed myself? Would Jack do what I did? Would he out Blake if front of the whole school? Or would he quietly plan? My brother and me may look and even act alike most of the time but we are very different, he's a thousand times more intelligent than me and I miss that. 

“Jack! Jack why'd you leave me!? I hate you! I love you! I can't do this! I can't fight Blake! I'm scared of him! Please please come back! I need you!” The sobbing happens without my control, I'm quaking I feel weak I stumble to my brothers bed and lay face first into the pillow. I just want Jack to come back to me. That's all I want and all I would ever ask. I just want my big brother to come back to me.


End file.
